I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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