You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
