I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
