Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
