Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
