You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
