I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
