I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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