I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
