I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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