found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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