Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
