am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
