I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
