i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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