i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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