why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
