Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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