you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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