just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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