remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
