I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
