He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Slut skills are useful in every country.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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