saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize