You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
