tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
