the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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