I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
