A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
