I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
