I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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