dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
