he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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