it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
