Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
