Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
