Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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