I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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