my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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