literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
