if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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