matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
