I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
