Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
