I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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