I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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