i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
