my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
one might say we're banned from that church
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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