A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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