what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
