I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
