Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
